Coping With The Holidays
By Tamara Peters
updated on 06/20/2007 at 11:06AM
Published on: November 23, 2002
article reprinted from Suite101.com
The approaching holiday season, from now until after the new year, can be a time of anticipation and joy: it can also be a time filled with physical/mental stress and depression. Much of the outcome depends on our own expectations and the demands we place on ourselves.
I have always had an emotionally difficult time coping with the “holidays”. Activities that others seemed to enjoy somehow left me feeling empty and blue. I’ve never been able to get into the “holiday spirit”, and just relax and enjoy myself. I’m still not really sure why this always happens to me; I just know that it does. I suspect that one of the reasons is that my expectations usually exceed the reality of what is.
I remember one time many years ago, on Christmas Eve, when I found myself at the hospital emergency-room, unable to stop crying, and feeling like the top of my head was going to explode. The ER doctor diagnosed me with depression, and said that I was obviously stressed out. No kidding! This pattern of becoming depressed, and stressed out, over the holidays has become a vicious cycle that I cannot seem to break. This year I have vowed it will be different: This year my expectations will be based on reality - not on visions of sugar plums dancing in my head.
Coping with fibromyalgia is challenging during the best of times - during the holidays it can be down right frustrating. Our minds want to accomplish what our bodies are simply not capable of doing any more. Therefore, we need to change our outlook by lowering our expectations and reducing the demands on our energy and time - focus on what we can do rather than what we cannot. Our goal should be to relax and enjoy the holidays: not to stress ourselves mentally and physically to the point of exhaustion and despair.
Some tips that I hope you will find helpful for surviving the holidays:
Plan ahead
Whether it is planning your holiday menu, or shopping for gifts - start early. If you simply cannot get out of cooking the holiday meal, or this is a tradition you love, then do try to make it as easy on yourself as possible. Several quick, easy recipes, provided by Fibro Friends’ members can be found here. Ask family members for help. Assigning them each something to do will lighten the load on yourself. I’ve found that preparing as much of the meal ahead of time as possible, and doing a little each day, makes the whole process fairly painless. If you are having many guests ask each one to bring a favorite dish and serve it buffet style. Oh, and don’t forget about the clean up. Put on your favorite holiday music, invite everyone to chip in, and make it fun. Of course, disposable plates, cups, and utensils make this a snap. ;-)
Shopping and wrapping gifts can be an exhausting chore. The pain and fatigue of fibro makes it particularly difficult for us to enjoy this holiday tradition. Shopping by catalog, or online, and taking advantage of their wrapping and ship-to option is one way to alleviate this difficulty. Gift bags and boxes are a cinch for store bought gifts.
Prioritize
The holidays are all about spending time with those we love most. The demands on our time can come from many directions, and leave us feeling torn and tormented. Putting your own needs, and those of your family, first will allow you to focus on those aspects of the holidays you find most enjoyable. Manage your time well. Simply say no to those activities you know will leave you exhausted with little time and energy for what you hold most precious and dear.
Take care of yourself
Often, during the holidays, we tend to forget this is the time we need to take extra care of our health. Try to stick to your normal routine as much as possible - take frequent breaks - get plenty of rest - do not try to do everything all by yourself . All those goodies sure are tempting, but sticking to your normal eating habits is especially important during this time. A goody now and then sure wouldn’t hurt though. The added stress of the holidays can wreck havoc on the best laid plans. Most importantly, if your plan doesn’t work as well as you had hoped, please don’t beat yourself up over it. Keep note of what worked and what didn’t for your next year’s plan.
Budget Finances may be stretched to the limit by holiday spending. Know in advance what your spending cap will be and stick to it. Plan ahead of time what you will purchase before hitting the stores so you won’t be tempted to impulse shop. I have to admit I do have a slight problem with this one. LOL This year I am sticking to my budget, a first for me - and have vowed to my family not to over-spend. I have to say this has already provided a measure of relief for my family as well by allowing them to curtail their own spending.
It sure has taken me a long time to realize I am my own worst enemy during the holidays. I seem to have this storybook script in my head that never quite lives up to the realities of the season. I’ve always been too focused on the perceived expectations of others, which left me feeling inadequate in many ways - opening the door to depression. I don’t know that I won’t still have to battle these feelings, but I do know that I refuse to let them control my life, or destroy my holiday spirit.
Happy Holidays Everyone!
Tamara Peters works with Suite101.com in the following capacities:
Managing Editor: Medicine and Diseases
Contributing Editor: Fibromyalgia Friends
Associate Editor: Coping with Fibromyalgia-I&II CpE
Article originally printed at http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/Fibro_Friends/96555
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