The Fibro Friends Discuss the Holiday Blues
Contributor(s): Steve
Published on: November 20, 2003
article reprinted from Suite101.com
It’s that time of year again. The time when many of us, for various reasons, begin to succumb to depression. Rather than a sense of anticipation and joy – the approaching holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, may bring about a sense of dread and despair.
For others, this same time of year, when the days grow shorter and the weather grows colder, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may be the culprit. If you are unsure about the root of your depressive episodes, and think they may be due to SAD, you’ll find information provided by The National Organization for SAD (NOSAD).
If you are convinced that your depression is holiday related – read on. You are not alone.
During a recent discussion of the Fibromyaglia Friends’ Support Group, while in the process of sharing my overwhelming feelings of depression with them, and through the ensuing outpouring of emotions, I was struck by the fact that we all do have much more in common than not. I would like to share bits and pieces of our discussion, with you all, in the hopes that you’ll find comfort in the realization that what you are experiencing is shared by many.
The feeling of aloneness is something I think we all need to share. It certainly does help to talk with others who understand what we are going through. One of the things I’ve noticed about myself is that the depression is preceded by what I call my “cloak of invisibility”. I know I’m probably not alone in this either. Some days I swear that when I speak no one hears me and no one even sees me. I’ve finally learned it’s the depression talking and it’s connected to the feeling of aloneness. Whether we’re truly alone or not I suspect this is a common trait for all of us who suffer with depression around the holidays. The feeling of isolation that comes even when we’re in a crowd.
“I need to tell you that you are not unique!! This is the universal time for stress, depression, sadness, longing, regrets – all manner of nasty stuff. And I am trying to fight it too. …………Why are we depressed? Is it the advertising on TV? Happy families? Shiny turkey-sparkling trees-our parents not around? Being alone (sort of, never truly always) – sickness/pain? All of the above. And all those good meaning folks who say it is just one day (me included) are wrong – it is days of shopping, thinking, planning, wrapping, excitement – with that is mind I can only do my best, order presents for the family from the web, put up a fake tree (just ordered one) and not deny myself some of the joy – I know t’aint easy to do – but I am with you – and all of us. Read in the NY Times this morning of New York’s neediest and you sure want to do good for some of the families they cite – but we need to take care of ourselves first which is something I am not good at – bad Dobby!”
Taking care of ourselves first is key for sure.
“You are so right about it not being just one day. Nowadays, it starts earlier every year. The department stores start putting out holiday supplies and decor as early as August.”
“Seasonal Depression in some people, who are otherwise healthy, can get so bad that they begin to change their habits as soon as holiday decorations appear in the stores.”
“I think I am one of those people who change as soon as I see Christmas decor out in the store. The pit of my stomach starts stressing first actually..then the rest of the body follows. LOL The more we can figure out on why and what we can do for these bumps in our lives does help.”
I think there are lots of triggers out there for holiday depression. It does help to be aware of them, but it doesn’t always stop it. I’m going to try harder to fight it instead of giving in to it. I think it does help to acknowledge it, talk about it with friends who understand, and not try to pretend it doesn’t exist. Reaching out to each other when we feel our worst is the most difficult thing to do. But that’s exactly when we can all help each other the most.
“ I totally understand what you mean about the depression during this time of the year. It’s not necessarily a direct result of fibro and its many symptoms. It’s highly accepted that those of us who are survivors of various forms of abuse, often suffer from increased depression during the holiday season. It has been suggested that it’s because that during these occasions was when a lot of the abuse occurred. The reminder of these occasions could bring on a feeling of being vulnerable and cause anxiety. Knowing the cause of these feelings can help in dealing with them, but it doesn’t necessarily make them go away! It is a constant struggle. For me, remembering I am a survivor and being around positive people, AKA, fibro friends, helps tremendously. I pray we all make it through another season of emotional storms.”
“The feeling of isolation can come on no matter where we are – it is something we should all share. I find when I get scared or really put myself in an isolated place – actually, that is wrong. I was in the middle of a valley in Utah – me, a nice man from Brussels and a wacko Navaho driver – bumping along the dirt (you couldn’t call it a road), but all through the vastness of that valley – having been so scared in the past of what if – I found myself almost jubilant. Then I can feel alone when I am alone and especially seeing something that triggers an old memory – usually children. And recently when I told someone I felt alone, she said “well, you are alone.” This is true. I live alone and am far from my family and during flares and other weird time I tend to turn the phone off and find comfort in a book – C.S. Lewis once wrote, ….”we read to know we are not alone…” I like that. Books are my companions.”
“The holidays are the most depressing time of the year for a lot of people. I learned to take one day at a time. I still have four kids to shop for! My goodness…. I haven’t even bought one gift yet. I am having company for Thanksgiving and Christmas! No one listens to me. My family truly doesn’t take me seriously. LOL”
“In many Fibro and Chronic Pain books, they list ways to cope and some even call them “rights.” A big one is saying “NO”! It is important to say no to things that will stress your and/or depress you. If your family wants you to be included at an event, then they have to include your needs when they make plans.”
I realize I’m not the only one in this pickle. Even though we may know the routine for making the holidays less stressful, the reality is that for those of us who’ve always struggled with depression during this time – knowing – doesn’t always make it so. Some times these things seems to take on a life of their own.
“I also find that when I’m in a flare, feeling overwhelmed, depressed, etc., that I have a very hard time keeping up with bills and keeping tabs on my finances.”
“Your survey on how we feel about the upcoming holidays should have one more sentence describing our feels: Panic and feeling out of control. That often happens to me during any gathering that we have here at home. It usually turns out well, but beforehand I get easily upset, fearing that everything won’t get done in time. But this must happen to others as well.”
“That panic and feeling out of control happens to me too! My neck and shoulders tense up and I end up having a headache which really puts a damper on me enjoying my gatherings. Forgetting to deep breathe is also one of my problems..and I am the first one to tell everyone to breathe.”
“My own living quarters never seems to get a good cleaning and I feel unorganized too. Guess it is that time of the year for a lot of us to feel pressured and down. I am trying very heard not to get down… most of you know how hard I work at this.”
“So…I am starting to get organized slowly doing a little bit every day or so. I am one of those that like every cupboard, drawer, closet, fridge, stove etc., etc..nice and organized and clean. But I won’t be doing all that Christmas baking that I used to do years ago..just a couple of favorites that my boys just love. Going to buy those small baby carrots that are all peeled, canned yams, frozen stuffing, frozen veggies, and just anything else that makes entertaining easier. And put up a sign that will remind me to take some time to breathe.”
“Accepting our limitations, not being able to do what we used to.. well, that’s difficult. But we must live in the now, not in the past. Easy to say, hard to do. But I’m trying to turn things over to God. However, I find that my independent, self-sufficient, “wanta be in control” self is at odds with that.”
“I think we all need lots of hugs during this time as we tend to feel disconnected. So to all A GREAT BIG HUG.”
Tamara Peters works with Suite101.com in the following capacities:
Managing Editor: Medicine and Diseases
Contributing Editor: Fibromyalgia Friends
Associate Editor: Coping with Fibromyalgia-I&II CpE
Article originally printed at http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/Fibro_Friends/104726
