:cry: I found this website/forum while surfing for information on Fibromyalgia. To introduce myself I guess I should tell my own story. From childhood I have always had physical illnesses, invisible to the naked eye that I have had to compensate for. This coupled with a turbulent family life has always made me feel that I have to do and be 10 times better than a normal person to hide my problems and weakness making failure of any sort not an option. To top it off, I've always looked younger and physically stronger than I really am. So when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1992 [I was 31 but looked 18] I had to double my efforts and have been trying to hide, cope, fight it ever since. The severity of my symptoms and pain has increased rapidly over the past 7-8 years and has destroyed not only my professional life but my personal life as well. I have begged doctors for help to keep me working but haven't been able to make them understand or believe how much I suffer each and every hour of the day. I have lost the will to live but have not had the courage to tell anyone for fear that they might think I have a mental illness and that my suffering is only in my mind.
The only doctor [who was my military primary care manager in 2003] that I thought believed me encouraged [actually told] me to file for disability turned on me when no physical medical evidence appeared to back up her opinion. The effort to make an appointment or just make a quick trip to the store results in 1-3 days unbearable pain and suffering. They keep telling me that therapy will help, but offer no remedies for the increased and debilitating suffering. If you can make the appointments they assume that you no longer suffer. If you can't make the appointments they assume that you’re not making an honest effort. I try to explain all the different things that are happening to me but talking about it for even a few minutes reduces me to a whimpering hysterically begging and pleading idiot [for anyone with an ounce of pride this brings on instant shame and embarrassment]. The degrading and negative reaction I received the first and last time this happened during an appointment cured me of ever going into in-depth deals. D@*#! if you do and d@*#! if you don't. Now I find it hard to confide, trust or believe doctors.
I need help to get my will and at least a portion of my life back and I know this won't happen if those I go to for help don't believe or understand what I'm going through. I am at the end of my rope, the pain and other symptoms over shadow even the things that once gave me comfort or joy. No matter what I do or don't do pain is my constant companion. It's like being torched every day. I can't stop the thoughts of not wanting to live another day, the crying spells, and the terrible fears of defeat and of being this way for the rest of my life. I just can't take it anymore and it's hard finding the strength to go on.
I'm hoping that communicating with others who share my symptoms, feelings and problems will give me real/successful options/techniques that will help me in some way to compensate for my physical inabilities and give me mental inspiration/motivation to hang on.
