Fibromyalgia Monthly Newsletter
January, 2005
With featured articles on Fibromyalgia treatment and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, information on treating Fibromyalgia, reviews of recommended products, and interviews with practitioners.
Accepting the Unacceptable
by Tamara Peters
Published on: September 20, 2002
article reprinted from Suite101.com
Recently I had a scare which resulted in an epiphany of sorts. You know, that “light bulb” moment when you go ah-ha, so that is what it was all about.
During an ER visit, because of excruciating pain in the left side of my chest, I became very upset when the physician on call - first wanted to give me a shot of Demerol, and secondly insisted on giving me a prescription for Darvocet. At my adamant refusal of either alternative the doctor then asked why I had come there for help if I refused to accept it? My reply was “Well, I just wanted you to wave your magic wand and make it all go away.” Still in denial? Oh yeah! Needless to say he was a little disgusted with my response. As I came to the realization that acceptance was still an issue for me I wondered if it might be for others as well.
Accepting any chronic illness, like fibromyalgia, can be a struggle for many of us. How you navigate the process of coming to terms with your own diagnosis may depend on your outlook on life in general - whether you are an optimist, pessimist - eternal optimist, or back-slider (somewhere in between).
For some, acceptance seems to fall rapidly on the heels of being diagnosed. A diagnosis may bring you a measure of relief - by providing a means of escape from a job you are no longer capable of managing - opening new avenues of employment that otherwise might not have been explored - or simply by allaying your fears that you are not crazy or a hypochondriac. These people are usually optimists, who tend to possess a positive outlook on life in general, and accepting a chronic illness is just part of the deal. They are the ones who keep reminding the rest of us to keep searching for that silver lining.
At the other extreme are those people who will never accept the fact they have been diagnosed with a life-long illness. They will spend precious moments of their lives chasing after illusive miracle cures because they will never make peace with it. For them it is a life-sentence with no foreseeable future. These people tend to be pessimists who see only the negative side of any given situation. On the other hand, depending on your perspective, these same people can be seen as eternal optimists who refuse to give up.
For yet others, like myself, acceptance is an issue that will continuously arise as we struggle to make peace with it. Partial acceptance may be achieved as we gain understanding, knowledge, and support, only to back-slide when in the grips of a flare or the pit of despair.
Accepting the diagnosis of a chronic illness has been compared to the Kübler-Ross five-stage model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) of what a dying person goes through upon being told they have a terminal illness. (Fibromyalgia may not be terminal, but it sure can be life-challenging and life-changing.) It is important to be aware of these stages, know they are part of a very normal process, that not everyone will go through in exactly the same way, in order to deal with them effectively.
Some concrete methods for dealing with the feelings and responses that may occur through the various stages include:
- Arming yourself with knowledge - empowering yourself through research and gathering information.
- Acknowledging your losses - grieve them if you must - then move on.
- Shifting your focus of thinking to how you can over-come problems by seeing them as challenges and potentials rather than limits.
Acheiving acceptance means that you have come to terms with your diagnosis and are now ready to deal with it in a constructive manner.
My hope is that you will relate to this article in a way that will allow you to make your own peace with acceptance. No matter what your perspective on life - even if you are still struggling (which most of us are) - you can take control of your own well-being.
Tamara Peters works with Suite101.com in the following capacities:
Managing Editor: Medicine and Diseases
Contributing Editor: Fibromyalgia Friends
Associate Editor: Coping with Fibromyalgia-I&II CpE